3 Dogs At The Vet

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s when they struck up a conversation.

The Black Labrador turned to the golden Labrador and said, “So why are you here?”

The Golden Lab replied, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything….the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”

The Black Lab said, “So what’s the vet going to do ? ”

” Gonna cut my nuts off ” came the reply from the Golden Lab. “They reckon it’ll calm me down.”

The Golden Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked “why are you here?”

The Black Lab said, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets and I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ couch.”

“So what are they going to do to you ? ” the Golden Lab inquired.

“Looks like I’m losing my nuts too,” the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, “Why are you here?”

“I’m a humper,” said the Great Dane. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her from behind and started humping away.”

The Black and the Golden Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, “So your nuts are coming off too then..??”

The Great Dane said, “No, I’m just getting my nails clipped!”

Adulterers

1) Woman confronts husband with woman he’s been dating via Adulterers. (“I knew that wernt no lamp. I dont wanna – but, I gots to.”)
2) Husband of mistress arrives with Philanders.
3) Second wife/girlfriend of husband #1 arrives.
4) Unfaithfullers reveals host of Philanders holding hands with the husband of mistress #1 via double agent Nicky.
5) Wrongdoers host JD reveals host of Unfaithfullers is still under contract with Fuckarounders.
6) Hans Christiansen of To Apprehend a Deviant reveals that producer of Fuckarounders is friends with JD who is actually a female.

What I don’t understand is why is the producer of Fuckarounders friends with the host of Wrongdoers? And why would Hans Christenson send an undercover female to pose as a metrosexual generic looking cheating show host?

Joey Greco is still under contract with Cheaters. He should have been outed by Wrongdoers for fucking around with Clusterfucks.

Clusterfucks kills them all. Ha-Ha!!  Really thought this was funny.

Crown Jewels Condoms

I published this back on March 22, 2011. In honor of the Royal Wedding on Friday – I am re-publishing:

Royal Condoms

Crown Jewels  condoms (souvenir) are being released in honor of the upcoming royal wedding. It’s hilarious.

LONDON: While Britain has a public holiday to celebrate Prince William’s wedding, one company is taking the party one step further with souvenir condoms that urge lovers to “lie back and think of England”.

Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is producing special celebration packs that bear the slogan: “Like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion”.

Critics have dismissed the novelty condoms as “Tasteless”.

Military helicopter pilot William, second in line to the throne, is to marry his university sweetheart Kate Middleton on April 29 at London’s Westminster Abbey.

All manner of predictable unofficial souvenirs such as tea towels, chinaware and postcards have been rushed out by manufacturers, with condoms now joining the ranks.

Hugh Pomfret, a spokesman for Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction, insisted they were “a unique way to remember this great British occasion”.

“In years to come, they will be a timeless memento of a magical wedding day.”

Presented in regal-looking purple and gold, each pack bears a picture of the couple gazing into each other’s eyes, saying it contains a “Triumvirate of regal prophylactics”, which are “lavishly lubed” and “regally ribbed”.

“England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world, with a tradition of coitus going back generations,” lovers are told.

“Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-To-Be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.”

It also includes a drawing of the couple “as they might appear on their wedding day”, produced by an “acclaimed international artist”, who is not named. The facial resemblance is not overwhelming but the pose and outfits seem styled on the official engagement photographs.

The manufacturers stress that they are not supplied to or approved by William, his fiancee or the royal family.

Ingrid Seward, editor of the royal-watching Majesty magazine, told The Sun newspaper: “This is completely tasteless and really rather hurtful. Prince William has a great sense of humour but this is a step too far. This is a cheap swipe to make money.”

Buckingham Palace declined to comment.

January 30, 2011

Link to Article

Wrong Hole

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With all apologies to my readers …  I’m working on more hot stories for your entertainment.  Unfortunately, I had other projects that required my attention.

I did recall this music video that just had me rolling on the floor laughing my silly ass off.  So I’m sharing it with you.

Which reminds me.  I’m working on a ‘wrong hole’ story.  I gotta get that written out.

I took her on a date things seemed so bright
I knew I would not need my youporn tonight
We go to her place and we fooled around
We throw all our clothes to the ground

We begin as she turns out the lights
I start but feel something so very extra tight
I hear her cry and I see her frown
I look at the condom it is all brown

Last night I stuck it in the wrong hole
I’m so sorry from the bottom of my soul
Cause I stuck it in the wrong hole

Try some preparation H it’ll make you feel better
In my defense those holes are so close together
Oh baby baby don’t feel defiled
It’s a common accident during doggy style

It was so dark I couldn’t see so good
I had no idea where I put my wood
I want to make things better want to make it alright
If you want you can put on a strap on and give it back to me all night ( I’d rather if she didn’t)

Last night I stuck it in the wrong hole
I’m so sorry from the bottom of my soul

I never ever want to make you feel hurting
I guess that’s why God made that hole not for inserting
Tell me how you feel baby please don’t pause
Now I know how they feel in that HBO show OZ
Maybe take some advit your pain it will fix
From the way you are walking you can compete in the special olympics
If this was Alabama we would be on trial
That’s how my mom took my temperature when I was a child

I’ve got a confession and I think you wont mind
I kinda liked when you put it in my behind
I don’t know baby I’m no Sodomite
Can’t we just try it again tonight?

Alright!

Every night I stick it in the wrong hole
It’s so much fun and we don’t need no birth control
When we stick it in the wrong hole.

I stuck in your ass.