Sex On TV

A man and his wife were at home watching TV.

He had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said:

“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!”

 

See What Women Know At An Early Age

See what women know at an early age:

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the firefighter said with admiration.

“Thanks,” the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little partner,” the firefighter said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go faster. ”

The little girl replied thoughtfully, “You’re probably right, but
Then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

Best Gadget Ever

Need help deciphering what your ‘woman’ is really saying? This Manslator is the best gadget ever. It will help you to become a more caring and attentive mate. It will get you laid a lot more too. If you don’t understand woman’s emotions – don’t worry about it anymore. Just purchase the ‘Manslator’ and he’ll tell you exactly what to do.

Of course the fact that he makes the woman sound like “Cookie Monster” makes this product seem less credible — but, it’s still better than not knowing what to do. Maybe they’ll come out with a better woman’s voice in the next model upgrade. I haven’t checked yet, but it might be available at Amazon. It seems like you can get most anything there.

The “Old Spice Man”

I love this Old Spice Guy. He is so hot. I love the scent of Old Spice too. I guess I am too, too lame. He also has some advice for finding a man worthy of buying Old Spice for. The “Old Spice Man” recommends any man hanging around aircraft factories (the Green Lantern), or one who can stand five feet from the sun (Superman) or who can live underwater (Aquaman). What masterful marketing.

Women Who Kill

Posted by Hannah –

The CIA had an opening for an assassin.

After all of the background checks, interviews, and tests were done there were three finalists:

Two men and one woman. For the final test, the Admins’ for the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife..” The
Admin replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the potential agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The Admin replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was also told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard – one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.”

Hot Women Who Kill Video From “Rotten Tomatoes Show”:

Husbands

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone
on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and
begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: “Hello”

WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new
models. I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$90,000.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie
and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market.
They’re asking $980,000 for it.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000.
They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand
if it’s what you really want.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at
him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

Sex with his best friend


A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy drinks it down in one shot.

“Wow”, says the bartender, “Something bad musta happened”.

“I came home early today,” answered the guy, “went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend!”

The bartender pours the dude another triple shot. “This one’s on the house”. The guy gulps it down once again. The bartender asks “Did you say anything to your wife?”

The guy answers: “Yeah, I walked up to her, told her we’re through, pack your bag’s and get out, I told her!”

“What about your friend?” asks the bartender.

“I sat that son of a bitch down on his ass and I looked him straight in the eye and said: Bad Dog!”