Know Your Lube

Gabrielle Moore has some good tips about sex toys. She recommends that one “know your lube” before purchasing. You should decide exactly why you need lube before heading out to the store. Since she pays writers lots of money to write her stuff, I’m just going to quote from her notes:

“It may seem like the vast selection of lubrication available at your local sex toy store is complicated solely for the sake of making your life more difficult. You might be surprised to discover that the many different kinds of lubes available serve a wide range of purposes!

“Different purposes?” you ask. “Isn’t lube just for… well, lubrication?”

Well of course all those fine lubes are designed to smooth out your midnight ride, but did you know that certain lubes can put holes in your condoms, or that others can cause your favorite sex toys to melt or warp? Were you aware that some lubes are great for anal while others are best for male masturbation?

Who knew? Well I did, of course, and that’s why you love me isn’t it?

Lubrication comes in three standard varieties, with a few extra twists at the end: silicone, water, and oil… plus those warming, tingling, and numbing kinds.

Slick, Sexy Silicone

Silicone lube is great for use with condoms, and excellent for both vaginal and anal sex. It is usually very long-lasting without the tendency to gum up and get sticky like oil-based lubes. It can run from a thin liquid to a thick gel, but most often falls somewhere in between.

Be very careful using this with any sex toys! Silicone toys, which are among the safest and most hypoallergenic variety, are not compatible with silicone lube. The combination can cause degradation of the toy, so be sure to carefully cover it up with a condom if you don’t have any other lubrication options!

Wet, Wild Water

Water based lubricant is the most versatile of the three groups. It can be used with condoms, with toys of any variety, and is appropriate for vaginal, anal and manual sexual stimulation of just about any kind. Some varieties of water-based lube can be quite long-lasting, but generally speaking these liquids will absorb into the skin during use. For this reason, you will likely need to reapply during extended use, and you should be extra careful about buying a brand made with quality, natural and/or organic ingredients.

While water-based lubes tend to be the thinnest of the three varieties, certain other ingredients can be added to create gels and other thicker substances. Read your ingredient lists carefully!

Oil & (Oil-based) Lube

Oil-based lubes can be longer lasting than water-based, but they also have a tendency to absorb through the skin, especially if they are made from natural, edible oils. They are more likely to come in thicker creams and can be great for anal sex because of this natural staying power.

Oil-based lubricants are not condom safe and should never be used with latex toys or sex gear. If you are enjoying some skin on skin contact though, natural oils make wonderful lubricants for tantric sexual encounters, because they can also be used as body massage oils, bath oils, even to scent the room! Coconut oil, cacao butter, avocado, and even regular kitchen olive oil make great lubes in a pinch. Be sure to choose the most natural, organic source possible and be very careful about fragrance. Just because something smells nice enough to scent your bedroom doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for your lover’s skin, especially in her most sensitive spots! If you aren’t sure, refer back to the “spot test” and do a bit of research about essential oils before creating your signature blend.

Special Features

Warming, cooling, or numbing lubricants are typically water-based but can come in any variety. If you want an “edible” lube, try to pick one made with the most natural ingredients, and avoid silicone at all costs, as it is known to cause stomach upset and GI distress.

Sensational lubricants can be over-stimulating for some, so like any other bath or body product, be sure to test it on the inside of the wrist first to gauge any possible allergic reaction. Putting hot or cold substances directly onto the genitals can cause some serious discomfort, especially when the product is difficult to wash away, so be careful! Most importantly, don’t use numbing lube for anal sex, especially if you are new to it and not sure how to enjoy yourself without hurting your partner. Numbing only prevents her from feeling pain that you might be inflicting. Pain happens for a reason, so don’t cop out and mask the problem just so you can have a good time. If you can’t do something without harming your partner, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.”

Wrong Hole

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With all apologies to my readers …  I’m working on more hot stories for your entertainment.  Unfortunately, I had other projects that required my attention.

I did recall this music video that just had me rolling on the floor laughing my silly ass off.  So I’m sharing it with you.

Which reminds me.  I’m working on a ‘wrong hole’ story.  I gotta get that written out.

I took her on a date things seemed so bright
I knew I would not need my youporn tonight
We go to her place and we fooled around
We throw all our clothes to the ground

We begin as she turns out the lights
I start but feel something so very extra tight
I hear her cry and I see her frown
I look at the condom it is all brown

Last night I stuck it in the wrong hole
I’m so sorry from the bottom of my soul
Cause I stuck it in the wrong hole

Try some preparation H it’ll make you feel better
In my defense those holes are so close together
Oh baby baby don’t feel defiled
It’s a common accident during doggy style

It was so dark I couldn’t see so good
I had no idea where I put my wood
I want to make things better want to make it alright
If you want you can put on a strap on and give it back to me all night ( I’d rather if she didn’t)

Last night I stuck it in the wrong hole
I’m so sorry from the bottom of my soul

I never ever want to make you feel hurting
I guess that’s why God made that hole not for inserting
Tell me how you feel baby please don’t pause
Now I know how they feel in that HBO show OZ
Maybe take some advit your pain it will fix
From the way you are walking you can compete in the special olympics
If this was Alabama we would be on trial
That’s how my mom took my temperature when I was a child

I’ve got a confession and I think you wont mind
I kinda liked when you put it in my behind
I don’t know baby I’m no Sodomite
Can’t we just try it again tonight?

Alright!

Every night I stick it in the wrong hole
It’s so much fun and we don’t need no birth control
When we stick it in the wrong hole.

I stuck in your ass.