Know Your Lube

Gabrielle Moore has some good tips about sex toys. She recommends that one “know your lube” before purchasing. You should decide exactly why you need lube before heading out to the store. Since she pays writers lots of money to write her stuff, I’m just going to quote from her notes:

“It may seem like the vast selection of lubrication available at your local sex toy store is complicated solely for the sake of making your life more difficult. You might be surprised to discover that the many different kinds of lubes available serve a wide range of purposes!

“Different purposes?” you ask. “Isn’t lube just for… well, lubrication?”

Well of course all those fine lubes are designed to smooth out your midnight ride, but did you know that certain lubes can put holes in your condoms, or that others can cause your favorite sex toys to melt or warp? Were you aware that some lubes are great for anal while others are best for male masturbation?

Who knew? Well I did, of course, and that’s why you love me isn’t it?

Lubrication comes in three standard varieties, with a few extra twists at the end: silicone, water, and oil… plus those warming, tingling, and numbing kinds.

Slick, Sexy Silicone

Silicone lube is great for use with condoms, and excellent for both vaginal and anal sex. It is usually very long-lasting without the tendency to gum up and get sticky like oil-based lubes. It can run from a thin liquid to a thick gel, but most often falls somewhere in between.

Be very careful using this with any sex toys! Silicone toys, which are among the safest and most hypoallergenic variety, are not compatible with silicone lube. The combination can cause degradation of the toy, so be sure to carefully cover it up with a condom if you don’t have any other lubrication options!

Wet, Wild Water

Water based lubricant is the most versatile of the three groups. It can be used with condoms, with toys of any variety, and is appropriate for vaginal, anal and manual sexual stimulation of just about any kind. Some varieties of water-based lube can be quite long-lasting, but generally speaking these liquids will absorb into the skin during use. For this reason, you will likely need to reapply during extended use, and you should be extra careful about buying a brand made with quality, natural and/or organic ingredients.

While water-based lubes tend to be the thinnest of the three varieties, certain other ingredients can be added to create gels and other thicker substances. Read your ingredient lists carefully!

Oil & (Oil-based) Lube

Oil-based lubes can be longer lasting than water-based, but they also have a tendency to absorb through the skin, especially if they are made from natural, edible oils. They are more likely to come in thicker creams and can be great for anal sex because of this natural staying power.

Oil-based lubricants are not condom safe and should never be used with latex toys or sex gear. If you are enjoying some skin on skin contact though, natural oils make wonderful lubricants for tantric sexual encounters, because they can also be used as body massage oils, bath oils, even to scent the room! Coconut oil, cacao butter, avocado, and even regular kitchen olive oil make great lubes in a pinch. Be sure to choose the most natural, organic source possible and be very careful about fragrance. Just because something smells nice enough to scent your bedroom doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for your lover’s skin, especially in her most sensitive spots! If you aren’t sure, refer back to the “spot test” and do a bit of research about essential oils before creating your signature blend.

Special Features

Warming, cooling, or numbing lubricants are typically water-based but can come in any variety. If you want an “edible” lube, try to pick one made with the most natural ingredients, and avoid silicone at all costs, as it is known to cause stomach upset and GI distress.

Sensational lubricants can be over-stimulating for some, so like any other bath or body product, be sure to test it on the inside of the wrist first to gauge any possible allergic reaction. Putting hot or cold substances directly onto the genitals can cause some serious discomfort, especially when the product is difficult to wash away, so be careful! Most importantly, don’t use numbing lube for anal sex, especially if you are new to it and not sure how to enjoy yourself without hurting your partner. Numbing only prevents her from feeling pain that you might be inflicting. Pain happens for a reason, so don’t cop out and mask the problem just so you can have a good time. If you can’t do something without harming your partner, you shouldn’t be doing it at all.”

Crown Jewels Condoms

I published this back on March 22, 2011. In honor of the Royal Wedding on Friday – I am re-publishing:

Royal Condoms

Crown Jewels  condoms (souvenir) are being released in honor of the upcoming royal wedding. It’s hilarious.

LONDON: While Britain has a public holiday to celebrate Prince William’s wedding, one company is taking the party one step further with souvenir condoms that urge lovers to “lie back and think of England”.

Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is producing special celebration packs that bear the slogan: “Like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion”.

Critics have dismissed the novelty condoms as “Tasteless”.

Military helicopter pilot William, second in line to the throne, is to marry his university sweetheart Kate Middleton on April 29 at London’s Westminster Abbey.

All manner of predictable unofficial souvenirs such as tea towels, chinaware and postcards have been rushed out by manufacturers, with condoms now joining the ranks.

Hugh Pomfret, a spokesman for Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction, insisted they were “a unique way to remember this great British occasion”.

“In years to come, they will be a timeless memento of a magical wedding day.”

Presented in regal-looking purple and gold, each pack bears a picture of the couple gazing into each other’s eyes, saying it contains a “Triumvirate of regal prophylactics”, which are “lavishly lubed” and “regally ribbed”.

“England boasts some of the finest lovemaking in the world, with a tradition of coitus going back generations,” lovers are told.

“Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-To-Be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure.”

It also includes a drawing of the couple “as they might appear on their wedding day”, produced by an “acclaimed international artist”, who is not named. The facial resemblance is not overwhelming but the pose and outfits seem styled on the official engagement photographs.

The manufacturers stress that they are not supplied to or approved by William, his fiancee or the royal family.

Ingrid Seward, editor of the royal-watching Majesty magazine, told The Sun newspaper: “This is completely tasteless and really rather hurtful. Prince William has a great sense of humour but this is a step too far. This is a cheap swipe to make money.”

Buckingham Palace declined to comment.

January 30, 2011

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